House of Galactus
by Banana Aeon
Summary: There is no way this could be a good thing.
1. Reality

Chapter 1- Reality

Galatca had a problem.

Apparently, her father, had something he wanted her to do. She would say no, but then Galatcus would just eat the planet, making her rebuttal rather pointless.

She flew, dressed in purple, to the meeting spot, a huge ass mansion, with a dark skinned human sitting in a chair in front of the door.

"Sup," he said, admiring her frame. Galatca glared at him.

"Who are you?" she asked.

"I'm Galaxy, a Herald of your father." He shook his white hair out of his face.

"Then why aren't you covered in silver?"

"I didn't want to be."

"Doesn't matter. All of daddy's Herald members are silver."

"Does it matter?"

"Kinda?"

"...Shut up...I'll tell you about what we are supposed to be doing here when we step inside."

* * *

><p>The assembly room was packed. Forty-eight warriors, a lawyer and a photographer, sat, awaiting a message.<p>

"Hello, fools. I am Galaxy. Galatcus has forced you to be here." Shuma-Gorath and Dormammu laughed heartily.

"Except those two. They willingly chose to be here. You are assigned here, for entertainment."

"See, daddy said if you keep him entertained, he won't eat you all," Galatca said, frowning.

"So?" Dr. Strange shouted," If we combine our efforts, or if those two assholes actually try to help us,"

"Minimal chance of that, Strange," Dormammu retorted.

"We could beat Galatcus!"

"I'm afraid not. See, you minimize his chances of losing, he set a bomb inside the mansion, that would kill all of us, then eat the planet."

"Really?" Dante said, slouching in his chair.

"I don't know. He might have been lying, but still, be yourselves, and try to be entertaining. The room sighed.

"It's up to you, to save the planet!" Galaxy said. The room groaned.

* * *

><p>Author Note: Oneshots. All the rage. Expect a lot of these. A lot. Sometimes, even multiples a day.<p> 


	2. Vote or Die

Chapter 2- Vote or Die

"Vote for me, as I am the true embodiment of America!" Captain America sang. The rest of the Avengers stifled their laughter.

"Steve, don't you think this is a little childish?" Tony Stark, AKA Iron Man, asked.

"Not at all," Steve said, defending his campaign.

"Your campaigning against a perpetually shirtless former wrestler and a fifteen year old girl with forty-one robotic slaves."

"And the Dread Dormammu," Dormammu's floating head interjected.

"HOLY SHIT! KILL IT WITH WATER!" Hawkeye shouted, jumping. Dormammu merely smiled.

"So? I am the leadership this mansion needs!" Cap shouted, shaking his fist vigorsly. Tony pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

* * *

><p>"So, the little girl thinks she can win, eh," the Scottish bombshell, Morrigan taunted Tron, who held onto her determined face.<p>

"I can win!" she pouted, poking out her chest to show bravado.

"How cute," Morrigan said. Then, she stood straight up, to show Tron on how much of a disadvantage she was at in the womanly looks department. Tron deflated, and stared at the beauty, mixed feelings of jealously and admiration.

"No! I know I can win!" Tron shouted, shaking her head vigorsly. Morrigan chuckled as Tron held her campaign sign high, and shouted her promises.

* * *

><p>"This is dumb," Galaxy said, looking through the glass at the assembly room. Galatca was focused on her laptop.<p>

"Some democracy is nice, every once and a while. And, it's entertaining to see these idiots act like idiots," she said, not even bothering to look up. Galaxy noticed her furiously clicking.

"What are you doing?" Galaxy asked.

"Bejeweled."

"...Aren't you omniscient?"

"Yep."

"...That's not even fair..."

* * *

><p>"So, with a grand total of forty-one votes, the mansion president is, Tron Bonne!" Galatca annouced. The crowd clapped, except for Steve Rogers, who was pisssed.<p>

"What the fuck!" he shouted.

"All my Servbots voted for me," Tron said with a cat like smile.

"THEY COUNT!"

"They are sentient, so yes, they count," Galatca said.

"Whoa, hold up. Each of those little guys have individual personalities?" Tony asked, very interested in the little guys.

"Yep."

"Where did you learn to do that?"

"I don't know. It just happened."

"...I would love to perform science with you..."

"She's not legal," She-Hulk told him. Tony coughed.

* * *

><p>"I told you I could win!" Tron said, with arrogance to Morrigan. She smiled, and clasped her hands together.<p>

"Congratulations. You want a medal?" she said.

"I want some respect!"

"Then mind your elders, child. You don't want me getting stress marks from messing with you," Morrigan said, outlining her body with her hands, striking the gong of jealously inside of Tron.

"Sh-shut up!"

"So you do feel inadequate. It's okay. I have that effect on women."

"I do not!"

"I can make you feel like a beautiful woman for one night, if you want me to?"

"Shut up! And put so clothes on!" Tron shouted, stomping off. Morrigan merely smiled.


	3. Dangerous Fires

Chapter 3- Dangerous Fires

Did it bother the Dread Dormammu that someone else with a flaming head was included in the castle? Not really. Dormammu knew he was cooler, because Dormammu could fly and make explosions out of nothing. Ghost Rider doesn't even rate.

So Dormammu woke, lying on his bed of brimstone and super soft plush, smiling that same troll smile that seemed to leave his face. He yawned, made himself look presentable, and walked to the dining room.

* * *

><p>"It is a glorious day to be me," Dormammu said, jumping to the front of the line for some food. Despite being earth food, it was rather tasty, if plain.<p>

"Yield, Dormammu! You can't skip in line!" Dr. Strange shouted. Dormammu gave him one look, then turned him to stone on the spot.

"That's better. You are far too noisy," Dormammu said, grinning.

* * *

><p>Dormammu watched earth television, with interest. Yes, the humans were incredibly stupid, but their lack of intelligence was humorous.<p>

"You can't turn people to stone around here, Dormammu!" Spider-man shouted, from behind the couch.

"Even if he can revert himself!" Dr. Strange complained.

"You're fine. Now silence. I'm trying to see who got eliminated from this "Survivor". I hope it's Cindy. It better be Cindy," Dormammu said. Spider-man and Dr. Strange shared a glance, and just walked off. Good. There will be no bargaining done with the Dread Dormammu.

* * *

><p>What a shame. First, it was Brad who was sent off of Survivor. Brad was a pretty cool guy. Second, the people kicked off Survivor did not actually die. What a shame.<p>

"Oh well," Dormammu said, climbing into his bed. When he got back to the Dark Dimension, he would have to make a Survivor that lived up to it's name.

The Dread One slept peacefully, knowing he was the greatest damn thing to ever live.


	4. Too Poor to Afford a Shirt

Chapter 4- Too Poor to Afford a Shirt

Dante was constantly in debt. Yes, he was an expert demon hunter. Yes, he saved the world several times. But he still was in debt.

Dante checked his wallet, praying that there was at least one dollar inside of it. Instead, he found a dead moth.

Dante was so poor, that moths died in his wallet. Sighing, he threw aside the wallet, and grabbed another slice of pizza. Wait a minute.

"Did I buy this?" he asked himself, wondering where the hell this pizza came from.

"Yep," Trish said, walking into the room.

"Shit," was all Dante could muster. Where did the money come from. Did he get another credit card.

He used to use credit cards for everything, but ever since he met Lady, that stopped.

"You're already in debt, Dante! You don't need anymore!" she shouted at him, as she shredded the card. Dante would say something, but he took it.

But that wasn't it.

Lady forced him to pay off the massive debt he had brought up against the credit card company. He did so many missions just for that. And nothing of value was bought from that. His credit was still ass, but he brought it up. He was still in debt, but a lesser one. All Lady did was make his problems smaller.

"Dumbass. Everytime I give you some money, you have to blow it on something," Trish complained. Dante sighed.

"Don't get started with the money management talk," Dante said, knowing what was going to happen.

"I won't. But you really need to get your ass in gear," Trish said, walking out. Dante grabbed another slice of pizza.

"Women. Always bitchin."

* * *

><p>But Trish and Lady were right. Dante was a broke as hell, and it was directly contributed to the fact that he was absolutely terrible with money. But hey. That's how the chips fell.<p>

"Put on a damn shirt," Vergil said, walking past him.

"Bite me, asshole," Dante snapped back.

Ooh, how I hate that asshole.

* * *

><p>"I hate being broke," Dante sulked, sitting on the most comfortable thing he had ever slept on in his entire life. He tucked himself in to the sheets, and felt the coldness grip him.<p>

"I need a shirt."


	5. Cutting Up

Chapter 5- Cutting Up

Oh, the tragic story of X-23. Created in a lab, treated like a weapon, and brutally murdered a lot of people. They should just rename her Ezio or Desmond, or something.

However, the years have been good for X-23. She's well liked among her peers, has been accepted by her "father" (It's a long story), and is fitting comfortably with the X-Men. She was chosen to be the Captain Universe for a little while, and was even perceived as a big enough threat to Galatcus to be out in the mansion (However, that one may not count, as he also chose an absolute pussy of a lawyer, a perverted photographer, and a raccoon with a British accent).

She awoke from sleep, in her ultra plush bed, put on her usual midriff-bearing leather, and walked through the doors, to come face to face with Spider-Man.

She had known the Spider a little while ago. Even worked with him a few times. But why was he here.

"Hey, what's up?" X-23 said.

"Um, nothing...I need your help."

"With what?"

"...Logan. I think I may have pissed him off last night," Peter whimpered, through the mask.

"What did you do?"

"I kinda...this is going to sound weird...Um, I kinda, pulled a prank on him, by shaking up hi beer, and now, every time he sees me, he charges at me."

"That's it."

"Yes."

"And you can't just talk to him?"

"Nada. Logan doesn't listen to reason."

"Fine. I'll go talk to him," X-23 sighed, putting her palm to her forehead.

"Thanks!" Then he zipped off. X-23 wondered if this day could get any weirder.

* * *

><p>"Earth woman, I beseech you to move," Dormammu said, trying to skip in line for breakfast.<p>

"I was here first!" X-23 shouted.

"I am the Dread Lord, Dormammu, and I only see three more french toast sticks, so I command you to move."

"Fuck off."

It took Dormammu about five seconds to form a response. "If you do not wish to receive a cosmic bitch-slap from the Dread One, Dormammu, you will move aside." Instead of moving aside, X-23 got her food, and walked away. Dormammu stood, confused, then laughed.

"I told Umar, I could control these earthlings," he stood, laughing.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Logan," X-23 called grimaced.<p>

"Why can't you call me dad or-"

"Yeah, whatever. Spidey said that she was sorry for wasting your beer."

"Oh yeah. That was a good one. Just was a little pissed when I'm buzzed."

"However, he also said the way you acted was like a total bitch, and just dumped all your beer down the toliet."

* * *

><p>Flashback<p>

* * *

><p>"Are you sure we should be wasting Wolverine's beer?" Deadpool asked.<p>

"Yeah, it'll be funny," X-23 said, pouring her fifth beer down the toliet.

"I EXIST SOLELY FOR TEH LULZ!" Deadpool screamed, pouring a beer down the toliet while drinking one.

* * *

><p>"THAT ASSHOLE! That was my favorite beer! I'll kill the bug!" Logan growled. X-23 twirled her finger, indicating where he would be.<p>

"THAT SPIDER BASTARD!" Wolverine screamed, running in that direction.

"Alcoholic," Laura said, and continued walking on.

* * *

><p>With a lawn chair set, X-23 sat, awaiting the madhouse of fun that was going to occurred any second now.<p>

"Need someone to-" Tony started.

"Don't even talk to me, pervert," Laura answered him.

"...Harsh much..." Tony said, walking away.

"YOU MOTHERFUCKIN ASSHOLE!" Wolverine shouted. X-23 smiled.

"AAAEEEEEYYYYYYEEEEEEE!" Spider-Man was heard inside.

"Glorious," Laura said, drinking her soda.


	6. Shing

Chapter 6- Shing

"My good, Strider," Dr. Doom complained, "You are such a bore to be around." Strider Hiryu, one of the most powerful Striders in existence, stood silently.

"You haven't said a single word." Nothing.

"...I'm done with this. I'm done with you, Strider," Doom said, walking away. Strider stood there, silently.

Strider didn't do much, other than meditating, reading, training. His life, is what you call, boring as all hell. Coming to the mansion, he thought he could break out of that shell, but alas, nothing.

He wondered who he could ask. Then it hit him.

He could ask the biggest "bro" at the mansion.

* * *

><p>"So you need some help being a bro, eh?" Dante, dress in red and black swimming trunks said, "Alright, I'll see what I can do. Let's head on out to the pool." Strider said nothing.<p>

"Alright, buddy. You gotta be chill. Relax. Kick back. Go with the- holy sweet mercy." Dante's eyes had just landed on Morrigan, and her skimpy black and purple bikini. She winked at Dante, who was hooked."

"Oh, what a handsome devil you are," Morrigan said, walking up to Dante. He smirked.

"Dante, my lessons," Hiryu said, dressed in his usual ninja garb, minus the scarf.

"Later," Dante said, pushing Strider away. Rejected, he left the pool area.

* * *

><p>Well, that didn't help. Dante perverseness and Morrigan great abilities to seduce someone overcame them, and now, Strider had to think of spmeone else who could help him.<p>

Then it hit him. Again.

* * *

><p>"So, you want to talk to me, huh?" Deadpool, sitting on the couch, asked. Strider nodded.<p>

"I need help stepping out of my shell," Strider said, standing. Dormammu walked pass the meeting, holding a bowl of popcorn, tilted his head slightly, and walked to his room.

"Humans. So odd," Dormammu laughed.

"Alright. I'll help," Deadpool said, "BUT FIRST, you must do one thing for me!"

"Okay. What is it?"

"We're gonna take Nemesis's rocket launcher."

* * *

><p>"Alright. Ready?" Deadpool asked, armed with two pistols, a squeaky toy, a human brain (don't ask), and Zombrex. Strider nodded. Deadpool stepped up to the door, and it burst open, revealing the extremely large Nemesis staring at the door.<p>

"Eep!" Deadpool said. Nemesis did not react. Silently, a tentacle exploded from it's hand, and ripped through Deadpool's chest, and pulled him into the room. Screams were heard. Strider just walked away.

* * *

><p>It was useless. Everyone in this mansion were stupid, and not worth his time. Shutting his book, and turning off his lamp, Strider Hiryu fell into a deep slumber.<p>

* * *

><p>However, in another room of this very same mansion, there was no sleeping for them. No sleeping whatsoever.<p>

And in the morning, Dante had come to regret that decision.

'Oh shit! I just slept with a succubus!' Dante thought to himself.

"I know what I am, hun," Morrigan said, smiling. Dante chuckled nervously.

"Are you going to steal my soul?" Dante said.

"Apparently, I can't steal souls through sex anymore, so no." Dante exhaled.

"There are other ways for me to steal souls anyway." Dante stiffened up again.

"I'm not taking your soul." Dante relaxed, once more.

"Wanna go again?" Morrigan pondered, then shrugged.

"Sure. You aren't half bad."


	7. Kitty

Chapter 7- Kitty

"Please, Morrigan! I won't take up too much room!" Felicia asked the succubus, who was combing her hair.

"What happen to Lei-Lei and her room?" Morrigan asked.

"She said not to call her that! Her name is Hsien-Ko!" Felicia argued. Morrigan sighed.

"Whatever. Why can't you stay with her?" Felicia blushed, and putted her paws behind her back.

"She complains that I may grope her in my sleep," she confessed. Morrigan chuckled.

"It's not my fault! They look so soft!" Morrigan smiled.

"What about your own room?" Morrigan asked.

"I'm afraid to sleep by myself."

"...Alright. We can share a room. Tonight. But tommorrow, we are looking for a roommate for you."

"Yay!" Felicia cheered.

* * *

><p>Lei-Lei was right. Felicia constant groping was going to be an issue.<p>

The groping wasn't an issue. She could deal with that (she is a succubus, ya know). But the claws. The giant groping paws, engulfing her chest.

Felicia snuggled up closer to her, head resting on her breasts. To be honest, Felicia was cute.

But a horrible bedfellow.

* * *

><p>"These clothes are so tight! I don't feel free at all in this!" Felicia shouted, tugging the shirt Morrigan lent her.<p>

"Be quiet. I can't have you walking around with me, nude," Morrigan said, putting her hair back in a ponytail.

"What about you! You aren't wearing much!" Felicia shouted. Morrigan looked at her, then her bats form a midriff baring shirt, and a short skirt, with knee-high socks, and heels. Felicia stared dumbly at her.

"You were saying," Morrigan said, brushing her out of her face.

"...That looks more free to me..."

* * *

><p>"Hey cutie, you wanna let this beautiful gal shack up with you?" Morrigan asked X-23, who was drinking juice. X-23 narrowed her eyes.<p>

"Who are you talking about? You or the cat?" she said in a joking manner.

"Is that an offer?" X-23 eyes popped open as she choked on the juice. Felicia giggled, probably not understanding the joke.

* * *

><p>"Little one," Morrigan started.<p>

"President Tron to you," Tron groaned.

"Whatever. You wanna house Felicia?"

"Who, the catgirl?" Felicia waved at her name called.

"Nope. Hsien-Ko told me she keeps groping her."

"It's really not that bad" Morrigan lied.

"No way!" Tron refused, walking away. Felicia's ears dipped.

* * *

><p>"My friend would love you!" Chun-Li said to Felicia. She smiled a bright smile.<p>

"Then can she stay?" Morrigan asked, with hope. Chun-Li frowned.

"Uh, sorry, I kinda like my personal space..." she said. Felicia's and Morrigan's smile faded.

* * *

><p>"Felicia," Morrigan said, "Why can't you sleep in your room?"<p>

"Well, I just so used to sleeping with someone else. Hugging someone. Sleeping by myself is kinda scary," Felicia replied.

"Well, does it need to be another person?"

"...I don't know. I never tried." Morrigan cupped her chin for a second, then smiled.

"Wait here. I will be right back," Morrigan said, then left the mansion. Felicia did exactly what she was told.

* * *

><p>Fifteen minutes later, Morrigan came back, holding a human shaped, more specifically a feminine shaped, body pillow.<p>

"I had to search everywhere for this thing. Felicia, I want you to try something," Morrigan said.

"What is it?" Felicia asked.

"I want you to try sleeping in you room tonight, in the company of this pillow."

"W-what? I don't think I can-"

"That's why I said try. Give it a night, and if you can't do it, I promise you can stay in my room any night you want to. Is that okay with you?" Felicia thought about it, big eyes growing. Then she formed a wide grin.

"Alright! I can do it, Morrigan!" Felicia excitedly shouted. Morrigan smiled.

"Alright, Miss Felicia. It is time for bed, for little kitties."

"Okay! Thank you, Morrigan!" Felicia ran off, clutching the body pillow tightly.

"Don't forget to name it," Morrigan said.

* * *

><p>"So, how was your sleep, missy? Morrigan asked, drinking tea. Felicia smiled brightly.<p>

"It was great! I wasn't scared at all! Thank you Morrigan!" Felicia exclaimed.

"No problem. My pleasure."

"I named it Morri-chan! After you!"

"Aw, that is so cute," Morrigan said, with a smile. Felicia wrapped her in a tight hug, then ran off. After she left go, Morrigan breathed a large breath.

"Jesus, that girl is powerful," Morrigan said.

"Aw, that was so cute!" Hsien-Ko said, from behind her.

"Shut up, Lei-Lei."

"My name is Hsien-Ko here!"


	8. Situations

Chapter 8- Situations

Trish was beautiful.

Created in the image of Dante's and Vergil's mother, she was beauty defined.

Despite the purity of her appearance, dressing in a pure manner was not for her. She loved the leather. She loved the tight clothes that flaunted every single curve she had. If only that bitch succubus wasn't here, she been on the minds of most of the men here. But even Dante was caught in her web.

Oh well. Fixing her top so she could be showing off great cleavage, but in no danger of the puppies falling out, she walked out of her room.

And smacked into the very large Thor.

"Hey! Watch yourself!" Trish said, rather angry. Thor stared at the much smaller woman.

"You gonna move or something?"

"I, the mighty Thor, requests your assistance," he said, loudly. Trish raised an eyebrow.

"For what?"

"To aid me me on a quest to find the lost Amulet of Athena!"

"Why me? Why not someone like Dante or Ryu?"

"Because Dante is annoying, and wears no cloth on his chest, and Ryu won't stop training to give thought. And you have similar powers to me." Trish sighed.

"Isn't the fact that we have similar powers, no matter how wrong that is, be a disadvantage for us?"

"...I ran into you first."

"See. The truth doesn't hurt a bit."

"Woman! Will you travel with the mighty Thor to retrieve the Amulet!" Thor exclaimed, nearing knocking the much smaller woman off her feet.

"Geez, okay! I'll do it!" Trish shouted back.

"Thor appreciates it."

"...Can you use a pronoun?"

* * *

><p>Six hours later, the duo lands on a distant peak, staring at their destination.<p>

"There it is. The cave wince the Amulet rests!" Thor shouted. Trish looked at him for a second, and shook her head softly.

"Do you ever calm-"

"Don't stand still! Move! The amulet is waiting!" Thor exclaimed, running toward the cave. Trish had come to regret coming on this journey.

* * *

><p>"2:00 and still no sign of Trish?" Dante said, resting on the couch. It was very unusual for a day to past, and no Trish to bother him about money, or how he needs a shirt or something. He found those days quite pleasant.<p>

However, today, he would prefer talking to her.

"Oh well, might as well see how Lady's running the shop," Dante said, gearing up, to travel to his place of business.

* * *

><p>"BY ODIN'S BEARD! YOU MONSTERS SHOULT SEE ANOTHER RISE!" Thor hammed, threatening the braindead monsters that protected the Amulet. Trish facepalmed.<p>

"Can't you calm down for a sec?" she asked. Thor did the opposite.

"HEAR MY CREED, EVILDOERS!" Thor screamed, leaping into the pile of monsters, "I SHALL NEVER LET EVIL AND DARKNESS TO PREVAIL! IT'S MY HONOR, VALUE, AND DUTY TO ASSURE THAT YOU, AND ALL OTHER EVIL CAN NEVER RISE!"

Trish stared at Thor, wondering if he was dropped as a child.

* * *

><p>"Sup," Dante said, stepping into Devil May Cry, his companyhouse. Lady was sitting in his chair, counting money.

"Hey. How did you get that?" Dante asked. That was the most money he's ever seen in his business. Lady smiled.

"Missions and good money management," she answered.

'Aw shit. Here it comes,' Dante thought, thinking he about to get another lesson in money. Instead, Lady walked up to him, and touched him on his chest.

"Go upstairs. I have a surprise for you."

Wait what?

* * *

><p>"Thor! Hey, calm the hell down!" Trish shouted, frying one of the monsters, with her own electricity. Thor, on the other hand, was banging with Mjonir, madly. Monsters, missing half their body and other inessential parts went flying.<p>

'At least he's quiet...' Trish thought, with a smirk, slashing nondescript monsters with her own weapon, Sparda.

* * *

><p>Dante was absolutely amazed.<p>

This wasn't the first time he had sex with Lady, yet, he was absolutely amazed on how awesome it was.

Beating Trish in the area of sex was next to impossible (However, after the night with Morrigan, Dante had to revalue certain things). Lady tried her hardest, but every time it happened, there was an inkling of awkward involved.

But not today. Oh, on his father's name, not today.

It was just...perfect. Just...awesome.

But how? How did it become so great. The absence of me and Trish? The company I =n her command? The money? The-.

THE MONEY!

It's the money! If we have money, I could get this sex anytime! It'll probably make Trish better too!

Dante, lying in bed, with Lady snuggling up to him, finally had a reason to manage his money.

* * *

><p>"Alas! We have finally found the Amulet of Athena!"<p>

"Hip," Trish said, lacking enthusiasm. Thor grabbed the treasure chest, and then slowly opened it. Inside, there was a note.

_ "Dearest brother,_

_ I trickd ur dumbass. LOL at u!_

_ Love, Loki" _

Trish stood, seething.

"I was tricked by my brother! Damn you Loki! DAMN YOU!" Thor screamed. Trish has had enough.

"YOU FUCKING IDIOT!" she screamed. Thor flinched. "YOU'RE A REAL GOD DAMN MORON, YOU KNOW THAT! I CAN'T BELIEVE THE THOUGHT OF SLEEPING WITH YOU EVEN CROSSED MY MIND!" Enraged, Trish stomped off. Thor processed the words, then followed after her.

"Wait, Thor is sorrowful!"


	9. How Tony Got His Groove Back

Chapter 9- How Tony Got His Groove Back

"Please stop boner..." Iron Man, aka Tony Stark, said, sulking in his bed. What was the point of living anymore? No sex, no access to his luxuries, no sex, no mansion, no maids, no sex, no sex, no sex.

Did I mention that Stark had not had sex in a long time? A ridiculously long time.

Like a week. How could anyone live like that?

This was the fourth time in a row that he woke up with an erection. God damn it?

* * *

><p>"Go away, pervert," Chun-Li said, thick legs crossed. She was taunting me. So. Freaking. Bad.<p>

"Come on. We can take a ride in my private helicopter, eat out at the finest restaurants, spend some _quality_ time together," Tony said, suavely. Chun-Li glared at him. Tony took the hint, and walked away.

* * *

><p>"Money doesn't interest me, boy," Morrigan said, also crossing her rather...sculpted legs. Ah...so much boner fuel. Ah, so little sex!<p>

"Really. I doubt that," Tony said, putting on his best charms. Morrigan smiled.

"You think that."

"I know that...I think so...I hope so..."

"Ye are a little boy, owned by the thoughts and wants of his head. This was too easy. Resist, then you get me." And then she floated away.

"I hate you penis."

* * *

><p>"Sup, tin can man," Nova, aka Richard Rider, said, smirking. Iron Man narrowed his eyes.<p>

"Oh no. Not now, Nova," Tony said.

"What's wrong. Life got you down...for the first time."

"Real funny, Dick Rider." Nova glared at him.

"That's a new one. Never heard that one. Real fucking original, Stark."

"Getting angry, are we? Mad that your Nova Force friends are all dead, and you're force to spend you precious hours of angst on Earth?"

"Nah, bro. I can dick slap Galatcus if I wanted to. I'm just here for the experience."

"Then take a hike, you second rate hero."

"Second rate? War Machine was picked over you once. A sidekick!"

"You weren't even an assist. Not even a cameo."

"You have a replacement. Now back off Stark. Grown ass men, have grown ass men business to tend to." Nova sauntered off, smirking. Tony glared at him.

* * *

><p>"Eight days without sex. Ugh, this is unbearable." Tony was cracking. Hard. He even thought of entering a brothel. A brothel!<p>

"What the hell is wrong with me?" he asked, staring at the floor.

"This is horrible."

* * *

><p>Tony was a great drunk.<p>

Years upon years, training his body to avoid drunkenness. Well, that wasn't a good thing, but it was nice not to frequently make a fool of yourself, especially when you are dealing with a multi-billion dollar company.

However, Tony could really use a hug from alcohol. A tight one.

"Why can't I attract women anymore. Am I getting fat? Ugly? Is it the suit? It's the suit," Stark stressed.

Then a women stepped into the bar. And she was beautiful.

So many curves. So much...body. Equipped with her bursting buxom, tight and large derriere, long athletic legs, confidence to show them in public, and outrageous pink hat, resting a police cap. She sat right next to Tony, who was clearly interested.

"You want some?" she asked, completely out of the blue.

"Hell yeah!" Stark squealed, excited.

"Alright. I let you take me for a ride." Tony grinned.

* * *

><p>Last night was...different. There was no other way to put it. Poison had taken him to a new plateau of sexual pleasure.<p>

"How then she know all those...techniques? She shamed me with her knowledge..." Tony said, not giving one shit that he was out performed in sex.

Tony walked out of his room, with condfidence.

"It's a great day to be me."

* * *

><p>Fun Fact: This chapter was originally called "Ironing Out the Kinks"<p>

Another Fun Fact: Poison is a chick. Not a tranny. If she ever appears in another one of my stories, she will also be a chick. That doesn't mean she doesn't have some masculine actions in the bedroom, though...


	10. Complete Global Saturation

Chapter 10- Complete Global Saturation

Albert Wesker arose, from his godly slumber, in his godly bed, only fit for a god. He gelled his hair, with the most godly of hair gels, wore the most godly of trench-coats, and wore custom sunglasses only fit for a god. He makes damn sure he looks like a god should look.

Godly. Wesker walked through his subpar resting place, knowing that the other rooms looked identical to his. Hmph. A god requires individualism. But now, Wesker found himself a little hungry, annd went to eat with the rest of the commoners.

* * *

><p>For the past 27 years, Wesker has eaten one thing, and only one thing every morning. A breakfast fit for a god.<p>

Wheaties.

Fit for a champion, fit for a god. Albert munched on his Wheaties, checking the newspaper.

"Hmph. The Knicks are bad at playing basketball, if I say so myself," he said, enjoying his morning. Wesker, believe it or not, not that bad of a fellow, despite the mass murder in the name of SCIENCE, and the whole god complex thing. He liked watching mortals play sports, loved poetry, and was quite skilled at catamaran surfing, if he wants to brag, which he always wants to do.

Then something to ruin his entire day, popped through the door.

Chris. Fucking. Redfield.

Wesker has always hated Chris. When they were in S.T.A.R.S. together. When they were put on the field together.

Wesker, upon seeing his eternal foe, folded the paper, and continued eating his Wheaties. Chris saw Albert, and brought an issue with it.

"Never thought I'll see a sociopath here," Chris said. Wesker shrugged off the comment.

"There's one always around you. His name is Deadpool," Wesker said, after swallowing his food. A god always has to look dignified.

"I should take you down, right now Wesker."

"Please. You aren't protected by plot armor here, Chris. Attempt, and you will have an arm through your chest, you steroid monkey."

"I've had enough of your bullshit, Wesker!" Chris said, grabbing the table. Wesker smiled.

"Threatening me? Oh, woe is me," Wesker said, smirking. Chris lost it, and swung at him.

Fortunately for Chris, the punch was halted, by the immortal Iron Fist.

"You can't just go around, and punch people," Danny said, smiling. Chris frowned.

"You don't-"

"I don't need to get anything." Danny looked to where Wesker was formerly sitting, and raised an eyebrow.

"Where the hell is he?"

* * *

><p>Wesker did not have time for games. He had business to attend to.<p>

Important stuff. Godly business.

"I am here, sir," Jill Valentine, one of Wesker's successes, sauntered to him, holding files.

"Your competence is most appreciated," Wesker said. He looked at the title label. "House of Rejects" was written in bold on them. How odd.

"Anything else, sir?" Wesker pondered. Then he smirked. A devious smirk.

A godly smirk.

He wrapped his arm around her body. "Come. We have to make a certain fool feel...inadeqaute..."

* * *

><p>"Oh my god, he is wrecking that chick," Dante said, ear pressed to Wesker's door. Vergil walked by, looked down upon him, and asked him, "What are you doing?"<p>

"Shhh. Wesker's banging that Jill chick. The one with the banging ass." Vergil narrowed his eyes.

"You are a lost cause brother," he said, while walking away. Dante waited for him to turn the corner.

"And Dante, you are a winner," he said to himself, shuffling the money in his hand. The seed of information passed, now the waiting game commences.

* * *

><p>"Vergil," Trish up behind him.<p>

"Oh son of a bitch," Vergil whispered, wishing he did not have to see the face of his dead mother, plastered on the body of some cheap whore.

"Where's Dante?" Ah perfect. A getaway.

"Wesker's room. Listening to him have intercourse with his servant." Vergil quickly teleported away.

"...Please be lying to me..."

* * *

><p>Dante was enjoying a slushie, when Trish stormed at him. On a normal day, Dante would be quivering in his boots, but today, he merely smirked.<p>

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE!" Trish roared. Dante shrugged.

"Why not?" Dante said. Trish nearly popped a blood vessel.

"GIVE THESE TWO PEOPLE THEIR PRIVACY!" she screamed, attracting the attention of several other mansion members, including one Chris Redfield.

"And thank you, for doing my job," Dante said, bowing, then breaking off into a frantic run, laughing manically. Trish chased after him, shouting various expletives.

* * *

><p>Three hours later, Wesker emerged, full of sweet, sweet, smugness, and walked right past Chris, and mutter a simple three letter string that made Chris Redfield, American Special Operations Agent to the Bioterrorism Security Assessment Alliance, to tears.<p>

"I fucked Jill."


	11. Huzzah!

Chapter 11- Huzzah!

Armored in his knight's gear, and armed to the teeth, our favorite vertically changed bearded knight, walked out of his room, smelling adventure.

"Huzzah! The hunt has called me!" Arthur cried, and ran to the exit of the mansion. Arthur had demons to slay.

"Whoa, pal, where ya goin'?" Rocket Raccoon, dressed in his Guardian of the Galaxy outfit, asked him.

"Woodland creature, I am on a journey to slay demons for a bounty!" Arthur announced, "It came to me in my sleep. It is my duty!"

Flashback

"Three hundred dollars!" Dante shouted, into his cellphone, "I'm trying to run a damn business here. No, my mother's dead! Well, screw you too!" Now that negotiations have ended, but the village wasn't safe. What could he do, so that he didn't have to do work himself.

"Maybe I could give it to Arthur. The little guy is always raving about his adventures," Dante said, sliding the bounty underneath Arthur's door. Now he won't feel bad about what happens to that village.

He hopes.

End Flashback

"Can I come? I've been bored doin' nothin' ere!" Rocket asked. Arthur shook his head.

"It is a knight's honor to battle alone," Arthur said, "I cannot rely on others to aid me."

"Do ya know what ya is up against?" Rocket asked.

"No, sir."

"...So how are ya goin' to plan? With prayer?"

"With skill. I have taken on harder challenges than this."

* * *

><p>These weren't ordinary demons. These were...peculiar demons.<p>

And they were everywhere.

"Hmm...This is odd. These demons do not appear to be the ones I am an expert at defeating," Arthur said, adjusting his helmet. The demons ignored the small man.

"But have at you!" he shouted, throwing a fire bottle into a crowd of demons, causing them to take notice.

"By the glory of Mephisto, we shall kill you!" the demons cried, before realizing their heads had been filled with arrows.

"Die you murderous monsters!" Arthur screamed, using every weapon in his bag. For every demon that he killed, another two came. It was becoming a bit too much from him.

Then a massive explosion sent several demons flying high into the sky. Out of a jet, a small, furry warrior with a massive gun entered the battleground.

"Think I'll let me buddy challenge this on is own!" Rocket shouted, firing round after round into the demons, tearing them limb from limb. Arthur smiled and nodded, and jumped back into the crowd of demons, staking another claim to several lives.

And it was glorious.


	12. The Finger Lazers

Chapter 12- The Finger Lazers

"I AM DR. VICTOR VON DOOM, LEADER OF LATVERIA! KNEEL BEFORE-"

"For the love of Balthakk, Doom," Dr. Stephen Strange yelled from across the lunch hall, "Shut the hell up!"

"SILENCE STRANGE, OR I WILL-"

"Will do what? Shut me with your pew pew lasers? Try to out magic me, the Sorcerer Supreme?" Doom stood, dumbfounded, and left the hall.

"That's what I thought," Strange said, before getting back to his wholesome granola bar.

* * *

><p>"Max, what do you think Doom is doing in his room?" Ororo Monroe, more commonly known as Storm, said to Max Eisenhart, more commonly known as Magneto.<p>

"Who cares what that spoiled brat is up to," Max replied, uninterested.

"I'm starting to care," Crismon Viper said, walking into the living area, "It's starting to cause quite the commotion."

"Silly human. Mutants do not fear Doom, because he is a halfwit, with a lot of money. Just like Ironman."

"...Okay then..."

* * *

><p>"Add Magnus to my list," Victor said to his computer, "My new armor will show why I am a force to be reckoned with!"<p>

* * *

><p>Stephen was bored. The mansion was nice, but it was...getting stale. There needed to be something to make it more exciting.<p>

Suddenly, Spider-man crashed through the window. That'll do.

"What's going...For the love of Agamatto..." Strange said, seeing the giant monument to terror Dr. Doom had built. The machine picked up the unconscious body of Spider-Man, and threw it aside.

"I AM VICTOR VON DOOM, RULER OF THIS MANSION!" Doom roared.

* * *

><p>Tron Bonne looked outside her window. There, she saw the giant Doom bot, rampaging over the mansion, declaring himself leader. Not so fast my friend. With a huff, she stomped to her dresser, and grabbed some tools, and went to work.<p>

Five minutes later, she had a kill code. Now she needed was someone to put in said kill code. Her mind went to a certain Maverick hunter.

* * *

><p>Magneto hovered past the robot, not really caring about it, or the damages it had caused. However, the machine extended a claw, and grabbed him. Max was not pleased.<p>

"Let me go, or your machine will be ripped to shreds, along with your very mortal body," Max threatened. Doom chortled.

"I'll like to see you try!" Doom shouted. Magneto narrowed his eyes.

"Very well then..." he said, closing his eyes, getting his magnetic powers flowing.

Nothing happened. Max opened his eyes in shock. He, again tried to pry the claw open.

Nothing. Max started to go over the very few possibilities on why his powers weren't working. Then one, very infamous excuse struck him.

"Your machine...Is it wood?" Magneto asked. Doom paused, the roared in uncontrollable laughter.

"Wooden! Do I like a fricking hippy to you!" Doom shouted, trying to stop his laughter, "And you're supposed to lead mutantkind!"

All Doom's laughter did, was make it much easier for Zero to close in on his target.

Doom had to be laughing for about three minutes straight. Max was seriously pissed off.

"Doom, its-"

"BWAHAHAHA!"

"Doom-"

"BWAHAHAHA!"

"..."

"BWAHAHAHA!" His machine started to spark. This caught Doom's attention.

"...What?" he said. Zero walked out into the open.

"Tron sends her regards," Zero said, before teleporting away. Doom eyes nearly burst from their sockets.

"THAT BITCH!" Doom roared, in very over dramatic fashion, "I'LL HAVE MY REVENGE!"

"Actually," Tron said, though the intercom, "You won't. The only thing you'll have, are lessons on how to repair the mansion."

"But-" Doom tried to plead.

"Nope!"

"But-"

"No!"

"But-"

"Say one more word, and I'm burning out all of your thrones," Tron demanded. Doom forfeited his speaking privileges.

* * *

><p>"Very good, Dr. Doom. Keep this up, and I might let you back in the house," Tron said, sitting in one of Doom prized thrones, cross legged, and drinking a milkshake. Victor grumbled under his breath.<p>

"What did you say?" Tron said, with a smirk, holding up the kill code. Doom fell the ground, and bowed to her.

"I said nothing! I am not worthy to be in the presence of the beautiful and most excellent Tron!" Doom cried.

"Thought so."


	13. Fifth Wall Crisis

Chapter 13- Fifth Wall Crisis

As I slept, laptop shut, and on sleep, Deadpool plotted.

He plotted with a curly mustache, as well. For effect, of course. And as he plotted, the worlds started to merge together.

* * *

><p>I awoke on a couch, in a large room. I blinked twice.<p>

"Am I...dead?" I asked. A large hand clutched my shoulder.

"Not yet, my friend," he said, and I squealed in utter terror.

"Calm down," he said. I recognized that face.

"Galaxy?" I asked. He nodded. I nearly fainted.

"Calm down," Galacta said, catching me from falling.

"Am I dreaming?" I asked. Galaxy chuckled.

"Where am I?"

"Inside your fanfic," Galaxy explained, "Apparently, as the fourth and fifth walls crashed, you appeared here." I blinked in confusion.

"That's impossible! I haven't broke the fourth wall yet! And what's a fifth wall?"

"The fifth wall is the connection between you and the story. You write us. You control on what we do," Galacta said.

"But how?"

"...We don't actually know right now..." Galacta said.

"Crap..."

"But we do have a plan," Galaxy said, "We do have a little problem that could be related to you."

* * *

><p>"So what you're saying is that this portal leads to my story," I said, "And if I seal it, I can go home?" Galaxy and Galacta nodded.<p>

"Sounds easy. Even with my fading Author powers, I should still be good."

"But it might not be enough," Galaxy said, flatly, "So we got you some help."

"Sup author," a high energy voice said, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. I froze in absolute horror.

"Y-Y-You d-d-d-didn't set me-me-me up with th-this lunatic?" I stammered.

"Deadpool has power over the fourth wall. We thought he could help," Galacta said. I glanced over at Deadpool, who was staring at me.

It was absolutely nightmare inducing.

* * *

><p>"Deadpool, we are here to fix the literary walls. Nothing else," I said, armed with a notepad and a pen. Deadpool grinned.<p>

"No problem. I'm all about business ethics and the like," he lied. I narrowed my eyes.

"No you're not. I read your comics. You're a fucking madman with lots of guns." As I said that, a winged angel hovered around us.

"Yo, Wade...I don't we're alone..." I said. Wade laughed madly.

"Some action! Finally!" he shouted, and started firing his guns at random targets, which may have included me. I dove behind a rock.

"Hey! Watch yourself!" I screamed. The tiny winged angels rained from the skies, squealing as they died. I recognized them from somewhere.

"Wait a minute...These things are from Bayonetta..." I said, confused. Why would these things be here?

"BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG!..." Deadpool screamed, spinning as he fired. I cowered, as a bullet bounced off my rock.

"You're going to kill me!" I screamed. Wade ignored me.

* * *

><p>Nick Wright, otherwise known by the moniker, Phoenix, looked into a weird white spot, that randomly appeared in his room.<p>

"Oh, what are we going to do about this?" Phoenix groaned, as he left his room. Frank West, photographer and zombie killing expert, bumped into him.

"Hey, yo, watch here ya headin'!" he spat. Phoenix rose his hands, in defense.

"S-Sorry!" he squealed. Frank turned to walk away, and fell through a hole.

"SONVABIIIIIIIII..." Frank trailed off, as he fell. Phoenix paled.

* * *

><p>Morrigan was floating around, care free. The white blots didn't matter to her. She came across X-23, who was trapped in a corner.<p>

"What's up, love?" Morrigan asked, smiling. X-23 facepalmed.

"Can you help me?" she asked. Morrigan cupped her ears.

"What's that? Can't hear ya, with the mansion disappearing and all."

"Help...me..."

"Hmm..."

"JUST HELP ME WOMAN!" X-23 shouted.

"Much better."

* * *

><p>"Aw shit..." Galaxy said, looking at the mansion disappear into nothingness. Morrigan, with X-23 on her back flew into the room.<p>

"What's going on?" Laura asked. Galaxy shrugged.

"We honestly don't know," Galaxy said.

"But Deadpool and the author are on the job," Galacta said. Morrigan and X-23 shared a look.

"Where are they?"

* * *

><p>The world was dissolving as the stepped further into the world. Wade and I stepped into a cave, and it was missing significant part of not only the floor, but the ceiling and walls too.<p>

"Oh, balls..." I said. Deadpool laughed.

"This is going to be amazing!" Wade said. I narrowed my eyes.

"You...I hate you so much..." I said. Deapool's eye slits widened.

"There he is! The guy destroying the world!" Wade shouted. I narrowed my eyes, and then facepalmed.

"First Bayonetta, then Final Fantasy, Halo, Castlevania, and some weird Japanese only game enemies attack us. I'm fine with that. But I'm pretty sure Willy Pete, from Empowered is not destroying the universe."

"Wait, what?" Willy asked, confused on where he was.

"I'm sure he is! I'll gonna shoot him in his schnoz!" Willy backed up.

"You can-OH DEAR GOD! STOP SHOOTING ME!" I facepalmed. Nothing made sense here.

* * *

><p>Willy Pete was dead. And I still had no powers.<p>

"Alright. What's going on?" I asked. Deadpool shrugged.

"I don't know. I just did my job," Wade answered. I cupped my chin. He seemed like he was looking for something.

"Deadpool...What are you looking for?" I asked.

"Yes Wade," X-23 said, landing on a land piece of land left, "What are you looking for?" Deadpool turned to face her, and pointed his pistol at her.

"This doesn't revolve you!" Wade shouted.

"Deadpool, what did you do?" Morrigan said. Wade took aim at her with his other gun.

"Or you!" Wade shouted. Morrigan shook her head.

"What's going on?" I asked, confused.

"Deadpool has...special powers. His fourth wall abilities are very powerful," X-23 said, crossing her arm, "Apparently, he was using them to write the story."

"Lies! Slander! False! I plead the fifth!" Wade shouted.

"He broke the world by changing what you wrote," Morrigan said. I glared at Deadpool, who started to laugh manically.

"Of course, you stupid! Why would Galaxy set you up with me to save the world!" Wade shouted.

"...Well damn...I feel a bit stupid now..." I said.

"But it's too damn late now," he said, menacingly, as a rocket launcher fell into his hand, "I found what I'm looking for, anyway."

"...A rocket launcher?" Laura, Morrigan, and I said together.

"Not just a rocket launcher. **The **rocket launcher." The rocket launcher was a basic Stinger model, but was missing a tracking antennae and was splattered in blood. I groaned.

"Nemesis's rocket launcher...Really?" I said.

"Eyup!"

"So wait," Laura said, "You rewrote the story, destroyed the world, and nearly got us all killed for a freaking rocket launcher!"

"Eyup!"

"Why didn't you just write in the story that you got the thing without having to go through all of this?" Morrigan asked.

"But that was poor chapter material, and for the season finale, you have to go all out!" Morrigan groaned.

"You are the biggest idiot I have ever met..."

"...And Deadpool lost his power to write the story..." I said, writing down in the notepad. Deadpool eyes widened.

"Y-You can't do this!" Deadpool pleaded.

"The world and mansion returned to normal." Everything was restored.

* * *

><p>Phoenix Wright was reduced to a sniveling coward, wrapped in his bed sheets, when the world was restored.<p>

"Huh...It's fixed?" he said. He walked out of his room. Yep. Everything was back to normal.

"What about Fr-"

"IIIITTTTCCHHH!" Frank screamed as he crashed into Phoenix, causing them both to slam into the floor.

"...Ouch..." Phoenix groaned.

* * *

><p>"And I returned to my own world," I said. A light engulped me. Deadpool waved as I started to float away. I narrowed my eyes.<p>

"And Deadpool lost the rocket launcher," I scribbled. The launcher disappeared from Wade's hand in a blink. Deadpool fell to his knees.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"


	14. Might is Everything

I'm back. Break's over, guys.

Chapter 14 – Might is Everything

"Nyah!" Felicia cried, as she was shoved, by an especially broody Vergil.

"Out of my way," he said, stepping over her. Felicia pouted.

"Why'd ya do that!" she asked, rubbing her sore caboose. Vergil ignored her. Felicia pouted.

"What's wrong with you?" No response.

"Hey, mister!" No response.

"Hey!"

"Hey, listen!" No response. Felicia then decided to think drastically.

She leaped on Vergil's back, generating a roar.

"Get off of me!" he shouted, clawing at his back. Felicia cried out, digging her paws in deeper. Vergil decided to slam his back into a wall, getting rid or his cat problems. Then he turned to her.

"Do not ever touch me again," he snarled, before walking into his room.

"Argh! What's wrong with you!" Felicia pouted.

* * *

><p>Dante walked through mansion front doors, holding a pizza, and a strawberry milkshake. Aw yeah, he was bout to get down. Nothing, and he means nothing, could get him-<p>

"NYAA!" Felicia roared, curled in her blue furball, crashing into Dante, popping his pizza and milkshake high in the. His eyes narrowed.

'AW SHIT! AW NO! AW SHIT, AW NO, AW SHIT!' he raved, on the inside. Seconds, mere seconds, Dante had, before his deliscious, rather expensive treat became waste product. Dante didn't wanna do it, but he knew he had too.

He threw Felicia off of him, and teleported. He first caught the pizza. That was the most important thing. Then he went after the milk shake. Another teleport, and Dante caught the flying fruity milkshake, and landed on the ground.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" Dante roared. Felicia got up, and pouted.

"I've been wondering the same thing, mister!" she shouted, paws on her hips. Dante blinked.

"What you talking about? I barely even know you!" Felicia blinked.

"You shoved me outside your room. You were so mean to me..."

"...Wasn't me."

"Of course it was!" Felicia shouted, "It had to be you! I remember so clearly!"

"Nope. Not me."

"It was you! You shoved me, and said some really mean things to me! You were wearing blue though..." Dante cupped his chin, struck a realization, then narrowed his eyes.

"That's my brother," Dante said, bluntly. Felicia tilted her head.

"What? You have a brother!" she shouted. Dante's right eye twitched. Was this girl retarded?"

"Yes, I have a brother," Dante said. Felicia bowed.

"I'm so sorry! I never do it again!" she said, before zipping off. Dante sighed, before Doctor Doom walked up to him, and took his milkshake.

"Doom appreciates your tribute," he said. Dante twitched.

"Hey! My milkshake!"

* * *

><p>Vergil prepared to walk out of his room. He clutched his sword, adjusted his collar, and opened the door. Only to be met with a crouching Felicia.<p>

"Meow!" she mewed, smiling brightly. Vergil's frown deepened.

"Away," he said, walking away. Felicia, however, and followed closely.

* * *

><p>It wasn't like she was being sneaky or anything. She was just following. And it pissed him off.<p>

"Got a fangirl, I see," Dante taunted, holding that fucking grin that pissed Vergil off more than anything in the world. Vergil tried his best to ignore the comment, but he couldn't. He simply couldn't.

"I am going to kill you, cat..." Vergil growled, through barred teeth.

* * *

><p>"Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow..." Felicia chanted, in rhythm with every step. Vergil was driven up the walls. He prepared to draw his sword.<p>

"You don't have many friends?" Felicia asked. Vergil paused.

"All you did was walk around, and be quiet, and stuff...That doesn't seem fun..." Vergil narrowed his eyes.

'Please don't let me deal with a lecture from a catgirl...'

"You really need to lighten up. Maybe then you could have some fun!" Then she scampered off, leaving Vergil to think.

"...I don't need to do anything..." he said, a lot more pouty than he wanted to sound. He noticed Dante, wandering the halls with a pizza, and a cup. Then he had an idea.

* * *

><p>Finally. Dante was going to have his meal. With a new strawberry milkshake, and a new pizza, he planned to feast. Placing the pizza and milkshake on the table, he realized that he was missing something. His straw. He must have dropped it. Oh well, nothing he couldn't replace. He got up, and walked up to a straw holder, grabbed one, and turned around.<p>

"Strawberry," Vergil said, sucking** his **shake, through **his** dropped (or stolen) straw, which was held in **his** cup, "My favorite." Dante twitched.


	15. The Will of a Lawyer

Chapter 15 – The Will of a Lawyer

Phoenix Wright was a lawyer.

Not a mutant. Not a hulk. Not a magician, or gun toting raccoon.

Just a lawyer.

Which is why he gotten absolutely no respect.

Feenie walked through the hallways, having been tripped three tries, bit by Amaterasu for accidentally stepping on her tail, and nearly be turned into Swiss cheese by Deadpool. Nick could easy just give up, and say his life sucked, but he was better than that. He was the greatest defense attorney in the world.

Oh man, if only that mattered here. If only that mattered...

He knew that being a defense attorney was an important job. A job not for everyone. A job that was...

"OW!" Phoenix squealed, after having his foot stepped on, by Nova. The masked spatial cop paid him no mind.

Mr. Wright sighed. His existence was suffering.

* * *

><p>Three days later...<p>

* * *

><p>Phoenix was at his limit. He had enough of the abuse. He thought his experience as the whipping post to Franziska (literally) would help him against the emotional abuse, but god...Nova was an absolute dick.<p>

Nova was a special kind of douche. Very special.

"He~llllllooooooo!" Maya Fey exclaimed, making her enterance into his room, holding bags of stuff. Phoenix really did not feel like getting into her affairs.

"You look down! What's the matter? Everything okay? Come on! Answer me!"

'Stop talking' Phoenix thought.

"Come on, Mr. Wright! I can help you through this! Just trust in me!" Phoenix grabbed his head.

"Are you getting upset? Why? Are those bad feelings coming back? If you just let me talk to you, we can get this all settled and things!" Phoenix slammed his desk, and stood up.

"I think I'm a little thirsty," he said, clutching Maya's shoulders, before walking away, smile on his face. Maya tilted her head, and ran after him.

* * *

><p>Grabbing an iced tea out of the refrigerator, Phoenix thought his troubles were over. But then that thing he did not want to see come around the corner.<p>

That. Dick. Named. Richard. Rider.

"Sup Feenie," Nova said, palming Phoenix's head.

"Oh god, not today..." Phoenix whispered.

"Look like you're having a rough day. What's wrong? Trouble at home?"

'Shut up' Phoenix rubbed his temples.

"Wonder why you're here in the first place? Galactus afraid of getting' sued?"

'Shut up'

"Oh, is the poor wittle lawyer getting mad? Would hate for you to mess up your crappy suit." Phoenix snapped.

"DON'T MOCK MY SUIT!" Phoenix roared, flipping the table he was sitting at. Nova stiffened.

"I'M TIRED OF ALL THIS BULLSHIT YOU HAVE PUT ME THROUGH! WHAT THE HELL HAVE I DONE TO YOU!"

"Look, man, I was-"

"SILENCE!"

"So I was all like, taste my arrow, Loki!" Hawkeye said, chatting it up with Chun-Li, who was trying to get away for the man in purple. Phoenix was not pleased with this new interruption.

"NO MORE OBJECTIONS!" Phoenix screamed, poking Hawkeye in the chest with a blue finger of emotions, propelling Clint out of the mansion. Maya walked in, grimaced, then backed out.

* * *

><p>"Ah..." Ryu said, meditating at a waterfall, nearby the mansion. It was nice to get away from the noise of the mansion.<p>

It was peaceful...Until Hawkeye flew into the sink of the waterfall, screaming. Ryu sighed, grabbed his bag, and walked away, day ruined.

* * *

><p>"Holy shit," Nova whispered, holding his arms up.<p>

"I ALREADY GET THIS TREATMENT BACK HOME! I WOULD LOVE IF IT WOULDN'T CONTINUE HERE!"

"Sorry...Never happen again..." Nova said, skittish. Phoenix snarled, before walking off, floorboards exploding in his wrath.

Morrigan walked into the room, where Mr. Wright's lingering emotions resonated. Oh, did they feel good.

"Rawr..." she purred. Nova glanced at her.

"...You'll...You'll do anyone?" he asked.

"That's my job."

* * *

><p>Even after the incident, nothing really change. Nova still was a jerk, but whenever Phoenix showed some sign of being affected by his taunting, Richard would apologize, and run off.<p>

For some reason, Morrigan took a rather...strong interest in Phoenix Wright. Phoenix tried to avoid her. He was terrified by her.

Hawkeye was also terrified of someone. And this someone was Phoenix himself. Mr. Wright wondered why. Something about a large, blue hand.

* * *

><p>Author note: Phoenix is Phoenix Wright. Jean Grey is PhoenixDark Phoenix.

Just so you don't get confused.


	16. Goddess of the Sun

Chapter 16 – Goddess of the Sun

Amaterasu was currently curled up, sleeping in her room. Out of all of the rooms in the mansion, her's was the smallest, but that did not matter, for she was a dog. She didn't do much. She barked. She bit. She enjoyed sleeping and eating.

Amaterasu twitched her ear. She heard something creep into her room. It better not be that damned cat.

A pounce, and Amaterasu yelped, running, with the naked catgirl on her back, singing. Oh, if this damned girl would stop calling her puppy! Amaterasu is not a puppy, for she is clearly a fully grown wolf.

With a jerk, the damned catgirl was flung off of Ammy's back. She growled, before slamming, and locking her door.

Without any thumbs.

* * *

><p>Amaterasu walked in the cafeteria, grabbed a can of dog food, and started the short walked to her room. Ah, silence. Ammy savored it, knowing the second she got back to her room, she would be verbally attacked by her small companion, Issun. But that was okay, for she would eat, and use his words as a sleeping aid.<p>

A lance flew through the hallways, right over Amaterasu's body. It crashed into the body of the purple metal man. The small, bearded man ran up to the metal man, and yelled at it, in his human, and thus, inferior language. Amaterasu ignored it. She did not have time for the stupidity that occurred in this mansion.

* * *

><p>Lying in her bed, Amaterasu wondered who Chibiterasu was doing. Of course, he wasn't invited her, for he was a puppy, yet, he was very strong. Not the brightest son, but she wasn't too disappointed. If only the boy could manage to stay awake when someone is talking to it.<p>

Oh well. Amaterasu yawned, and shut her eyes, before a crash rang in her ears, popping them back open.

'It never ends...' thought Amaterasu, before she growled, got up, and planned to fix this problem.

Without any thumbs.


	17. Bub

Chapter 17 – Bub

James Logan Howlett, more commonly known as Wolverine, walked through the hallways of the mansion when something curious entered his sight.

"The hell?" he said, picking up the curious object. Round in shape, this wonderful, curious object filled James's palm, as he fiddled with it.

"Hey, dreads!" James shouted, toward Spencer, who was paying no mind to Wolverine or his curious object. Spencer turned to face him.

"What?" he said, flatly. James held up the curious object, which was vibrating softly. Spencer rose an eyebrow. His mechanical arm start to twitch.

"Uh...I don't know...Stop it arm..." he said, before walking off. Logan frowned.

* * *

><p>Wolverine was completely enamored with this mysterious, curious object. It's like it controlled his mind. It was beautiful. So...curious...<p>

"Oh...What mysteries do you hold..." Wolverine said, in an uncharacteristically soft voice, to the curious object. The object danced about, curiously as usual.

"Oh you..." he gushed, holding the thing close to his chest.

* * *

><p>James walked around the mansion, holding his curious object close to his chest. Magneto turned the corner to the hallway, and fell straight to the ground.<p>

"OH PLEASE! STOP THAT DEVIL NOISE!" Max cried, holding his head, as he flew away. James rose an eyebrow.

"What's wrong?" he said, unsuspecting.

* * *

><p>"What in the devil is Logan wielding?" a terrified Max Eisenhart said to Ororo Monroe and Jean Grey, who were currently sitting with him in the cafeteria.<p>

"What did it look like?" Ororo asked. Magneto shuddered.

"It...It was silvery..." he replied.

"Silvery..." Jean said, "And was it a solid?"

"No...It was all wavy and...stuff..." he said, struggling to find a better word. Jean snapped her fingers.

"I've seen that thingm" she said, coming to a realization, "That thing gave me a wicked headache!"

"What was it, though?" the African Queen asked, sitting back in her chair.

"I don't know...I just seen it on the ground, and avoided it..."

"I know what it is," X-23 said, sucking out of a straw, "It's pretty gross...and funny."

* * *

><p>The curious object of curiousness had completely taken over Logan's body, mind, and soul. It was a mystery on how this simple object did so, but God, was he happy that it did. Oh, he could go the rest of his life, and not have another worry, as long as he's with his curious object.<p>

"Hey, Wolvy," Laura said, tapping on his shoulder. Logan turned around, and his already huge smile, grew to disturbing proportions.

"Hiya Laura!" he said, cheerfully. Talon stepped away.

"Creepy...Hey, you know what that thing is?" she asked, pointing at the silver object that Logan was protecting dearly. He narrowed his eyes.

"What is it?" he asked, defensively.

"Well, it's...a little bit of a story...

* * *

><p><em>Flashback<em>

"Oh god..." Laura groaned, upon seeing the shed skin of a one named Shuma-Gorath, God of several realms, and overall creep. The skin was silvery, wavy, and...stuffy... Her claws started to tingle.

"This..." she said, starting to feel _overwhelmed _by the magnetic properties of Shuma's skin. The skin devolved into a curious object, and danced for her. She gasped in delight, before gasping in audacity, and running off.

"Did I...Did I really get off to that?" she whispered, tears welling in her eyes. Oh god, she felt so...dirty.

"Hey Laura," James said, offering a way, as she ran right past him. He looked back, then shrugged, and continued walking.

* * *

><p>Logan's eyes nearly bugged out of his face.<p>

"You mean..."

"Yes."

"And that means..."

"Yep..."

"...That is the fucking grossest thing I have ever done..."

"Yes it is."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...You can get rid of that thing now."

"...Make me..."


	18. Here Comes the Spider!

Chapter 18 – Here Comes the Spider!

"All right!" Peter Parker, aka Spider-man, shouted, scratching out the plans on a piece of paper. The plans to take Mary Jane out to dinner. He had no time to take her out before, but today was perfect.

"This is it! This is the day!" he said, putting on his mask. He wished he could go without it, like Steve or Tony, but apparently that was a no-no. Oh well.

Stretching his arms out, he walked out of his room.

* * *

><p>Albert Wesker was enjoying his daily dose of Wheaties, when a loud clang was heard. Wesker lowered his glasses, and looked around, not seeing anything. He shrugged, then went back to eating.<p>

"ALLLLL-BERRRRT!" Spider-man shouted, sitting at his table. Wesker broke his spoon.

"..." Now, Wesker was upset. Would he really throw his Wheaties in danger of sogginess for another spoon. Oh, what could he do?

"Of course!" he shouted, "Spoon!" Spider-man rose an eyebrow, in confusion.

"...What?" he said. Wesker glared at him.

"Another...SPOOOOON!" And then he was off, poofing into a teleport. The bowl of Wheaties shook slightly. Then he was back, holding a new spoon, pretty much identical to the last one. Peter's mouth slightly opened, in a attempt to say something.

"You bitches better not be soggy!" Wesker shouted, plopping in his seat, and taking a spoonful of the cereal. He froze, spoon dropping to the floor. Then he flipped the bowl over, spilling milk and Wheaties everywhere.

"I was too slow..." he said, surprising sadly. Spider-man blinked.

"Hey!" Jen Walters, aka She-Hulk, shouted, "You're cleaning that, okay!" Wesker shifted his eyes, and teleported. Jen groaned.

"Get back here you slimy bastard!" Spider-man stood up, and walked away, confused.

* * *

><p>"Well, that was something..." Peter said, sitting on the couch. The TV wasn't on, and he was very content on letting it stay that way.<p>

"I guess I could call Mary Jane..." he said, whipping out a cell phone, and looked for her contact. It wasn't there.

"That's weird..." he said, "Normally it would be here..." He just settled to manually dialing it. After three tones, Mary Jane Watson-Parker answered with a simple, "Hello?"

"Hey, Mary Jane, what's go on?" Peter asked. A slight pause.

"Peter? How did you get my number?" Peter rose an eyebrow.

"Uh...Why wouldn't I have your number?"

"Oh, I probably forgot that I gave it to you. Sorry for forgetting." Peter narrowed his eyes.

"Oh, it's okay...I got to go...See ya..."

"Oh, okay...Bye Peter." Click. Peter Parker stared at his phone. He had to make another call.

"Hey, Stan...What the hell happened in my marriage?"

* * *

><p>Joe Quesada, former editor in chief at Marvel Comics, sat in his house, when a black Humvee slammed into his wall. The door opened, and out came Albert Wesker, lacking his traditional trench coat.<p>

"Who the hell are you!?" Joe shouted. Wesker ignored him, as he wiped his glasses.

"Mister Spider-man sends his regards..." Then he stepped back into the car, and backed out. Joe stood, bewildered.

* * *

><p><em>"So...If I just slam a car into the house of this man, you'll clean this mess up?" Wesker said, to <em>_a shady looking Spider-man. Peter nodded, before holding up a bucket of water, and a sponge. Wesker grinned._

_ "That was a little too easy..."_


End file.
